Hey, it's alright. I was just a little worried when I didn't see you around. Full disclosure that you don't have to tell me or anything, since we just barely met, but are you feeling alright?
[ Hmmm. Shiro's reply comes after a few moments, like he'd been trying to find just the right words... ]
I know texting styles don't exactly match up with how someone talks in-person, but... You just seem a little off. Then again, I might be reading into things too much, and you can tell me if I'm overstepping here.
well... i mean, you're not wrong, i guess... but you're also not overstepping, it's fine. might be easier to talk about this to someone who barely knows me.
last night, i saw someone kill one of my roommates, and i just...i felt this indescribable rage. it's something i've never felt before... so...i tried to kill them myself. it didn't work. i got hurt and i just...i just ran.
i'm fine. i got healed up by my bonded and the hospital and stuff. i just... being a puca is just turning me into a horrible person and i don't know what to do about it. plus i don't know if my roommate's ever coming back. did i fail him by running away from his murderer? i don't know. i don't know anything anymore.
anyway, this is just really depressing. i'm sorry. this is the first time i'd ever seen anything like this happen here.
It's alright. You don't have to apologize about how you feel--if it's never happened, that makes it even more stressful.
[ He knows a thing or two about that. ]
It sounds like your feelings weren't your own... at least, not completely. I felt it a while back, too--it felt like I was less... inhibited. But I don't think you failed your roommate. Obviously, I don't know who it is and I won't ask you to tell me, but if you were close... If it were me, I wouldn't have wanted a friend to get hurt--or possibly killed--for my sake. You ran, that's true, but I don't think running away is always a bad thing. It sounds to me like if you'd seriously hurt your roommate's killer, or even killed them, you would be much more upset with yourself.
then...it must've been something about that circus... i guess you're right. but also...i don't know how to feel. my job back at home was about helping and protecting others. but did i really help anyone by letting him get away? was i just helping myself? and i just i can't trust myself not to feel that violent ever again.
[ ... He can sympathize with Sylvia, at least on some level. Shiro's distinctly aware that he's capable of being ruthless; he'd been the Champion for a reason. His arm is a heavy reminder of that, every day. Who's to say he won't lose control some day, too?
But he can't afford to dwell on that. Not when Sylvia is struggling. It must burn her up inside, the memory of what she's done. He isn't sure he'll be able to say anything to assuage her worries, but he's going to try his best. ]
It's a lot to take in. Honestly, I don't blame you for feeling so conflicted. Don't force it. It's fine to just let yourself feel. If you had gotten more hurt or killed, though, I know that wouldn't have helped anyone, either. There are ways to right this without resorting to killing. I'm not an expert on pucas, far from it, but maybe there's someone you could talk to--another puca, maybe. Another monster who might be able to help you. I know we just met, but I think you're a fine person, Sylvia. Because taking a life--it's a difficult and regrettable thing for some people, and it sounds like it'd be that way for you, too.
[there are ways to right this without resorting to killing. man. she wish she could've told dimitri that before he flew off the handle. but she sighs and takes a moment to try to process what she's reading.
it's not sticking. not yet. she still thinks she's absolutely despicable. shiro's words do ring some kind of truth, though. she just doesn't know how to respond to it. ]
haha. you're right. i'll reach out sometime, maybe. and while you're right about it being something i would've regretted for the rest of my life...i don't really feel like i'm fine. but i'll get over it eventually.
thanks for taking the time to talk to me though. you're a good person, shiro.
Hah, well... I know a thing or two about doing things you regret. But you're welcome, Sylvia. My door's always open. My texts, too. If you need something, don't hesitate to let me know. You're not alone.
You know, I was almost tempted to get a couple... I don't eat sweets or pastries too often, I was a bit at a loss. Any you'd recommend in particular, or is it quality along the board?
Next time I head over there, I know just what to get. Thanks, Sylvia. If I've got any more questions about the hottest sweet spots, I know just who to ask.
[ Shiro, you big doofus. He is planning on getting her a couple things, though... ]
it's no problem, shiro. :) happy to help, especially after you listened to me. i'm sure there are other places i can think of too when i'm feeling better, but that's probably one of the top spots.
I'm a pretty good listener, I've been told. But hey, once you're feeling better, we could go to those places together. I'd like to get to know you a little better, after all.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I was just a little worried when I didn't see you around.
Full disclosure that you don't have to tell me or anything, since we just barely met, but are you feeling alright?
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why do you ask?
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I know texting styles don't exactly match up with how someone talks in-person, but...
You just seem a little off.
Then again, I might be reading into things too much, and you can tell me if I'm overstepping here.
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i mean, you're not wrong, i guess...
but you're also not overstepping, it's fine.
might be easier to talk about this to someone who barely knows me.
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Would it be easier to talk in person, or just over text?
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i don't think it's particularly safe for me to be outside right now.
i'm sorry. i know we just met. it's unfair of me to dump what's going on onto you.
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I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it, Sylvia. You can take my word for it.
So, what happened? Take as much time as you need.
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last night, i saw someone kill one of my roommates, and i just...i felt this indescribable rage. it's something i've never felt before...
so...i tried to kill them myself.
it didn't work. i got hurt and i just...i just ran.
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Holy crap. Okay. Shiro pauses, reading the message over and over again for some time. Because... whoof. ]
I'm sorry, Sylvia.
Seeing someone you're close to get hurt... It'd affect anyone.
How are you doing, with your wounds?
[ He's concerned for her, above all else. ]
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i just...
being a puca is just turning me into a horrible person and i don't know what to do about it.
plus i don't know if my roommate's ever coming back.
did i fail him by running away from his murderer?
i don't know.
i don't know anything anymore.
anyway, this is just really depressing.
i'm sorry. this is the first time i'd ever seen anything like this happen here.
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[ He knows a thing or two about that. ]
It sounds like your feelings weren't your own... at least, not completely. I felt it a while back, too--it felt like I was less... inhibited.
But I don't think you failed your roommate. Obviously, I don't know who it is and I won't ask you to tell me, but if you were close...
If it were me, I wouldn't have wanted a friend to get hurt--or possibly killed--for my sake.
You ran, that's true, but I don't think running away is always a bad thing. It sounds to me like if you'd seriously hurt your roommate's killer, or even killed them, you would be much more upset with yourself.
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i guess you're right.
but also...i don't know how to feel. my job back at home was about helping and protecting others.
but did i really help anyone by letting him get away? was i just helping myself?
and i just
i can't trust myself not to feel that violent ever again.
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But he can't afford to dwell on that. Not when Sylvia is struggling. It must burn her up inside, the memory of what she's done. He isn't sure he'll be able to say anything to assuage her worries, but he's going to try his best. ]
It's a lot to take in. Honestly, I don't blame you for feeling so conflicted. Don't force it. It's fine to just let yourself feel.
If you had gotten more hurt or killed, though, I know that wouldn't have helped anyone, either. There are ways to right this without resorting to killing.
I'm not an expert on pucas, far from it, but maybe there's someone you could talk to--another puca, maybe. Another monster who might be able to help you.
I know we just met, but I think you're a fine person, Sylvia. Because taking a life--it's a difficult and regrettable thing for some people, and it sounds like it'd be that way for you, too.
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it's not sticking. not yet. she still thinks she's absolutely despicable. shiro's words do ring some kind of truth, though. she just doesn't know how to respond to it. ]
haha. you're right.
i'll reach out sometime, maybe.
and while you're right about it being something i would've regretted for the rest of my life...i don't really feel like i'm fine.
but i'll get over it eventually.
thanks for taking the time to talk to me though.
you're a good person, shiro.
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But you're welcome, Sylvia. My door's always open. My texts, too.
If you need something, don't hesitate to let me know. You're not alone.
I've got a question, though: Do you like sweets?
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i do, yeah.
why do you ask?
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Aefenglom's a little different than I'm used to, and I just wondered if you had any recommendations.
[ He totally isn't planning on sending her anything. Nope. Just asking for recommendations, that's all. ]
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the pastries at purramid cafe are really good...
i'm totally not biased or anything, they're actually REALLY good.
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I don't eat sweets or pastries too often, I was a bit at a loss.
Any you'd recommend in particular, or is it quality along the board?
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definitely the donuts.
quality across the board, but the donuts are the best.
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(Or maybe it's wishful thinking.)
They're great with coffee?
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Thanks, Sylvia. If I've got any more questions about the hottest sweet spots, I know just who to ask.
[ Shiro, you big doofus. He is planning on getting her a couple things, though... ]
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happy to help, especially after you listened to me.
i'm sure there are other places i can think of too when i'm feeling better, but that's probably one of the top spots.
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But hey, once you're feeling better, we could go to those places together.
I'd like to get to know you a little better, after all.
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